I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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