my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
