we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I touched a dick in church today
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