Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
