u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
