I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
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