if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
