i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize