youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
tell me about the fingering
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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