in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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