just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
