My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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