i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
