Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
