would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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