my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
