I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize