so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
