hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
