I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
