i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
