She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
