Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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