so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
