can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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