dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
