Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize