went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
