perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize