i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I could fuck to npr.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
