So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
