Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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