dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
