you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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