So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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