we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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