currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize