I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
