I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
