oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
