sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
be right there i have to get my cape
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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