thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
