How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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