i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you win again, gameday.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
