so that wasnt chicken after all
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
