you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
