btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
