Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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