Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
