I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
