I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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