She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
