i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
