No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.â€
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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