I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
