I'm so fucking centered right now
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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