I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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