I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
