I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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