I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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