just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Randomize
