Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You made out with two different species that night
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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