We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
