I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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