Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
