i need an iv and a liver transplant
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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